It was a dark and stormy night when I woke up. It wasn't the rain, but the wind that rattled my slumber. It's 3am and I'm thinking about going to the gym.
11.26.2004
French baguette. Telume cheese. Hummus. Clementines. Cherry tomoatoes. Russian beet salad. Turkey brined. Traditional stuffing. Cornbread stuffing. Macaroni and cheese. Mashed potatoes. Gravy. Cranberry sauce. Cranberry relish. Green bean casserole. Mushroom and red bell pepper chutney. Garlic and rosemary yams. Two glasses of ginger ale. Half a glass of red wine. Half a glass of champagne. Chocolate pumpkin tart.
11.11.2004
Lower.
11.03.2004
Geezuz fcking kryst.
My city is in mourning. It's even raining appropriately. I couldn't look at single paper and went through the day without anything to say. Out of gas. Jose says we'll have to turn activists, riot in the streets. Truth be told, I've never activated in my life for anything. I blame work schedules. I hide laziness. This just doesn't seem possible in a modern world. Ignorance. Blind faith governing. Education by television. What do you do post voting let down? I have to hit the gym to sweat this one out. Running in place. Going nowhere fast. So low, I forget where to dig. I'll be thirty-three when this is over.
11.02.2004
It's difficult to feel all I can do is wait. At least my political nightmares will stop. Each dream consisting of some scenario where I found that I've forgotten to vote.
10.27.2004
I nearly forgot. Actually I don't think I knew, but Jon told me to look out my window. I was in the midst of telling him of my mysterious emotional rollercoaster. How for the past two days, everytime I found something funny I'd laugh hard and loud and then immediately break down crying. What a fcking lune I am. Once while watching I Heart Huckabees and then again today while reading a friend's email. Fcking hilarious. So why the wacky tears and corny crying? He had no insights to offer. Instead he told me to look out my window towards the ball park.
10.24.2004
They tell me it probably wasn't dinner or the green tea or the sake or the half a beer. It was probably dehydration and the heat of the club that got to me. A club going cold with attitude. I made the mistake of trying to take to fresh air on my own. After purchasing two bottles of water with cash I couldn't see, I managed to make it off the bar stool and two steps forward before it all dimmed to a heart stopping black. Out, just like a light. A sharp floor to the head and I gave up all motions to move. I'll come back when I'm ready. I had hoped when I opened my eyes, I'd find myself at her feet. But as reality would have it, the darkness continued and I felt my body shifting by the hands and holds of others. And like a messy strings marionette, I was dumped into a seat. When I came though, I found my five minute guardain sitting by me, dressed in 60's mod. I couldn't stop saying I was sorry. I wanted to get out so bad, but I couldn't move either. Thankfully, I didn't start crying. I sat and listened to 60's mod girl lecture me on the situation. Stay seated. This happens to me all the time. Stay seated. You'll be fine. Stay seated. I stayed long enough to believe that sometimes there is safety in strangers.
10.22.2004
Long and lost. This month, did it start already? Or is it already over? Somehow, sometime this week we made it through yet another short movie. This one is going out to Sarah Enid who will be hosting a film night of pumpkin movies this coming Monday. We'll be contributing one and only one. But one is enough for now. A really wacky job. Classically for kicks. Sadly this will probably be it for a while. Enslavement into the holidays is near. I'm still flirting with sleep, like a bad unattainable crush. Hopefully soon I will fall for a full night's rest.
10.20.2004
